When you connect into Pure Source, there is a Higher Order that trumps all other ‘truths’ and it will always kick your ass –
It will invariably strike you between the eyes 👀 and will knock all that is false over –
This higher frequency of pure unconditional love is akin to the raw power of nature and the fierceness of wild animals –
It is ruthlessly efficient like a surgeon –
Spend a few nights in the Amazon jungle and you will see just how fiercesome this natural power is –
It sifts the weak from the strong and organises healthy evolution to bring the best out of all species –
It is certainly not the lovey dovey gooey new age trauma bonded sexualised or idealised codependent love we have been conditioned so heavily to seek outside of ourselves through relationships and intimacy, rituals and soothing nurturing healing modalities –
These approaches tend to layer over these core deficiencies of fundamental lack of connection to our own true source with fluff that feels good at the time as it’s like a soothing balm but it rarely gets anywhere near penetrating the deepest roots of issues and removing them at their absolute DNA 🧬 origin –
Unconditional love won’t coddle you and it isn’t there to provide the love you can’t generate for yourself –
It is there to strip all illusions and all that enslaves, degrades, limits and restricts you and make you the strongest fittest and best version of yourself so you can get back to your absolute essence and generate this unconditional power from within –
This can be extremely traumatic for the shame and trauma bonded fragmented aspects of ourselves that tend to run the show, seeking never ending patterns of abuse or healing adjustments that just layer more gloss over what needs to be removed rather than added to –
This is the rub we all ultimately must face at one point or another on our healing journeys
Unconditional love will relentlessly reveal egoic identities that you’ve adopted to survive or inherited from your family or society and it will strip every last fibre of falsity away from you that doesn’t represent the highest sovereign version of yourself –
Your higher self has one undiluted purpose – to reunite itself with your body to create heaven on earth and in so doing, realign you to your absolute abundant, effortless healthy self as nature intended –
Where humans run into issues, is where the fabric of our essence has become so degraded and trauma bonded to ancestral patterns and early life conditioning that we need to rebuild our ego structure sufficiently in order to gradually prepare to undergo this stripping and being ready to face meeting this deeply clearing unconditionally loving force of nature
If you’re ready to face the music 🎼I’m running a 7 Day DNA 🧬 shift and clearing programme from 25th – 31st December
Shame Bombing, narcissism and The Victim Archetype
Unhealthy shaming often involves manipulation and control of another to avoid one’s own sense of inadequacy.
Unhealthy shaming is usually about influencing someone’s perception of
themselves to force an outcome from them and avoid feeling more deeply
into one’s own primary issues. Shame can be subliminally and
unconsciously transfered onto the other to make them feel responsible
for causing these unsavoury feelings so the originator of them doesn’t
have to deal with their own deeper issues.
The intended victim of
unhealthy shaming is targeted to gain something back that was perceived
to have been lost to them or indeed where shadowy emotions are at play;
namely envy, jealousy, competitiveness, lust or greed that drive a
person to want to strip another of their resources, energy and indeed
Unhealthy shame can include using one’s emotions, will or
influence to denigrate another’s sense of wholeness or reputation in
front of others for personal gain.
This phenomenon forms part of a
very common human dynamic around healing a blow to one’s ego, known as a
‘narcissistic injury’ – ie when we perceive someone acts in a way that
harms our ego and our perception of ourselves, we often feel the need to
restore it to wholeness…often at the other’s expense as opposed to
drawing upon our own reserves and replenishing ourselves from our
connection to a greater Source where we are not dependent on another’s
If we are skilled at connecting with our own Source to
make ourselves good again, we can then address the issue with another
from a more neutral place where we aren’t looking to the other to make
us whole again, but to rather address a pattern that does not serve our
wellbeing and set a boundary or limit.
Nevertheless, in certain
examples it is essential to address this imbalance externally. Say a
person is raped, robbed, conned or endures domestic violence, this is
not a situation where appealing to the other person’s healthy shame is
appropriate. A court case in which the legal and personal ramifications
can be addressed with a (custodial) punishment or indeed a public
admission of accountability and culpability can go some way to assisting
the healing of those physical, emotional as well as psychological and
indeed narcissistic injuries.
However, the majority of situations
do not relate to crimes, but revolve around the way a person believes
they have been harmed emotionally largely through the way they perceive
they have been treated within a relationship or one off interpersonal
transaction. Many people experience a legacy of feeling insulted,
slighted, put down, dropped, disrespected or being on the receiving end
of broken agreements that have hurt their feelings and undermined not
only their trust in another but also in themselves.
with highly narcissistic tendencies or indeed the narcissistic
personality disorder will also experience a narcissistic injury and feel
justified in seeking recourse from another when a blow to their ego
However, the difference to a healthy person who
experiences a narcissitic injury and a narcissist, is that there is
rarely any justification whatsoever for the narcissistic person to feel
ie when you HEALTHILY differentiate yourself and stop
the two of you merging in order to protect your energy, set a healthy
boundary around unacceptable, one way or vampiric behaviour, refuse to
meet another’s needs or appease their demands you often end up behaving
in a way that frustrates their entitlement over your resources, energy,
liberty or sovreignity as well as innate need to control, manipulate and
own you (so they dont have to feel their innate sense of
emptyness/woundedness/lack/pain). The result is they will seek to shame
you unhealthily or vilify you to others under pretexts that sound
plausible and justified.
In both examples, whether
narcissistically orientated or just plain old conflict between two
normal people, the perception of the victim is that the actions of the
perpetrator may have brought up a sense of inadequacy or anxiety or old
trauma and it is the other person’s fault that they feel hurt,
abandoned, dropped, betrayed or neglected etc. Instead of owning this
‘narcissistic injury’ and taking responsibility for the deeper origins,
most people’s natural instinct is to blame the other person for making
them feel this way.
Constantly seeking reflections from others
and their admission of guilt or responsibility to reinforce our own
sense of wholeness and redress these grievances, leaves us open to
playing the victim shame game and a toxic level of codependency and
sadly repeating these patterns over and over again as the root cause is
This tendency to feel ‘less than’ because of
someone else’s behaviour is an indictment of our times where so many
people’s sense of wholeness has been so compromised due to dysfunctional
upbringings and a whole load of religiously flawed and socially
acceptable romantic and new age twin flame crap about soul mates being
there to make you feel whole again….arghhhhhh.
Some people look
towards others to restore their sense of wholeness through shaming them
with the full payload of their unprocessed pain. This time bomb of
complex personal and ancestral patterning and trauma, is hurled at the
other as if it is all their fault for triggering it! There is far too
much emphasis on getting others to admit to their ‘faults’ to redress
their errors, rather than doing the inner work on ourselves to heal
these core wounds from our own upbringing and ancestral unconscious
patterning and identifying where we too have played a role in cocreating
So, the darker and unhealthy and toxic side of
shame, involves using these wounds/traumas as a weaponised attempt to
bring someone down or cut them to size and make them take on our pain
through transference and blame…
When someone emotionally
undermines you with the attack potency of unprocessed emotions or
attempts to control you and make you responsible for their tacit
expectations, it can make you feel sick and very heavy with strange
feelings that are not actually yours to process. It can take some
refined skill in learning not to take these energies on and to spit them
This can in turn show you where you have hidden ancestral shame that acts as a magnet to another’s toxic shame bomb
In some cases claiming there were ‘faux’ agreements that were not
explicitly agreed upon by both parties (childhood unmet expectations
being projected here), that one feels they somehow broke is another
toxic way of enmeshing someone in an unhealthy shame web.
someone else accountable for one’s feelings or wounds and attributing
them the power or responsibility for causing them to come up is at the
essence of toxic shaming. Influencing peers to believe certain stories
about this person based on these myths is at the centre of gossip,
slander and defamation.
Ironically and conversely, narcissistic
personal growth teachers/gurus and facilitators, priestesses, Goddesses,
avatars etc will also take advantage of these dynamics by taking
absolutely NO RESPONSIBILITY for their behaviour, ignoring any
agreements, codes of conduct, professional or moral standards and push
all consequences and impacts of their behaviour back on the person who
has been affected without looking at the deeper shadows within
themselves, their tools, their community of practice or indeed the deity
or discarnate entity they claim to be God/Goddess which heals their
clients/community…(but that’s a whole other blog in itself)
It is indeed a subtle and complex issue identifying personal responsibilty.
People with deep victim patterns tends to reneact situations where they
can play out these misdemeanours by others which further complicates
the situation! Some professional victims, are naricissistically inclined
and are constantly seeking to hold others responsible for their unmet
needs, or ancestrally and psychically guised pain, through a catalogue
of subliminal ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to haves’ that bombard the nervous
system and exploit the other’s healthy shame settings.
shame bombings have one thing in common. They attempt to force another
to take on a disowned emotion, acquiesce and therefore submit their
personal power to the other person’s set of inner rules or expectations
to override their own better judgement to appease the toxic shame being
laid at their door.
Confusingly in the New Age, this shame bomb
can come in the guise of honest directness, sacred sexuality talk or non
violent communication as well as plain old blaming. Often it is a
cleverly disguised and highly charged attempt to leverage personal power
and self importance over another so the person in denial can justify
these seemingly plausible notions as reasonable expectations to get
around a person’s healthy shielding from toxic shame.
I recently interviewed Mas Sajady during his UK tour, on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur without selling your soul.
I have been relatively successful in my life, from big corporate jobs to running my own business as a self employed marketing agent and consultant, but I always ended up burnt out, getting ill, sabotaging myself or the success fizzled out along with my mojo.
Working with Mas for the last 3 years has enabled me to clear these underlieing patterns and find an enduring connection to the energy which sustains me and yet doesn’t cost me down the line.
It is a paradigm shifting way of working whereby you don’t have to compromise any part of yourself or your life to find your true purpose and attract abundance, health and wellbeing.
That feeling you get when you name and cleanly and compassionately hand someone back their distorted projections / judgements about you… and they see it, admit it, but then try and get into further justifications because their ego doesn’t like getting rumbled…as that signals the death knell of that energetic dynamic that feeds off you to sustain itself.
By projecting this trait outside of themselves and on to
you, the other can avoid dropping into these messy places within
themselves, they have yet to explore and instead get that ego lift at
This is especially tough, because it means the one
who does this has to confront those pained places they had conveniently
avoided in themselves and judged and then dumped onto you instead of
doing ‘the inner work’.
I immediately noticed that imperceptible
heavy feeling I was under lift straight off as I handed back this person
what was theirs to work through…what a relief to see the fog lift and
how incredibly liberating…we are simply not built to process other
people’s pain for them.
When we take on other people’s
unprocessed wounds and end up trying to synthesize them as our own…we
get ill, tired and feel low and drained as we try and work through their
shadow stuff…and guess what? it just won’t clear…because quite
simply its not ours and its actually not our emotional body’s
responsibility or role to do it.
This can be rooted in our
childhood patterns where we took on the family stuff, in order to be
loveable…or we were just born into this gloop and just have a tendency
or imprint to merge and take these things on.
Regardless of origin, its like putting petrol in a diesel engine…
This can be entirely innocent and easily resolved with someone if you are both wanting to get conscious and work through and own your stuff.
And yet it can also be how a narcissist tries to control and feed off
you by inundating you with not only their darkest pain, but a whole load
of other psychic goodies intended to weaken you and deepen the effects
of this dynamic so they can harness the power of your emotional
These are crucial skills to develop and spot your own blindspots.
To know your own psyche…to clear your deeper wounds, to face your
hunger and where you seek out to enact unsconscious and self destrcutive
dynamics with others out of conditioning is essential.
clear these things and become more embodied, you start to fully occupy
and own your own space with the radiance of your unbounded spirit…so
the tendency for others to push their unprocessed stuff into you
unnoticed becomes a thing of the past…because quite simply…there is
no longer any room for them to target any unaddressed codependency or
hunger for filling yourself externally where you are not taking
responsibility for yourself.
Each time you show up for yourself
and heal these places, you close the door on that intrusive energy and
those destructive patterns from entering your field, until finally, they
no longer can get in and stop coming your way.
You are beauty and pragmatism personified – fire and brimstone in free flow
– primal life force is unleashed when you show.
So blessed are we who dare to know you – to feel you course through our
veins with wild abandon.
Yet so many supress, bury, constrict and constrain you.
Throttling the life force out of themselves in the process. A habit so
embedded, most rarely notice you. They are exhausted. Wrestling you takes its
toll in silent daily woe.
Fearing to let you run free and unabated, they assume would leave a trail of
ruin and devastation.
If only people realised you were the secret vigilante, a defender of
personal boundaries and self sovreignity, the protector from predators who live
in the shadows.
You are essential to survival – you warn of trickery, mindfuckery and
deceit…you enable us to move away from danger and let us know when someone
untrustworthy is afoot.
In intimacy, given the space…you reveal your deeper allies; grief,
distress and upset. When held safely, you shed tears that cleanse and can be
the harbinger of profound vulnerability and wisdom, that bond us deeply.
You are an enigma only known to the few.
When your fire is held and directed appropriately, your heat can warm the
hearth of intimacy and provide deep succour to souls hungering for truth.
You contain clues to past hurts, betrayals and traumas that when expressed
can release aeons of pain, illness and disassociation.
You are a messenger from the God within. You hold the charge of life inside
you. Often coded, enshrouded in confusion, you remain a mystery.
Yet so quick are we to misunderstand, villify and ostracise you.
There is so much desire to minimise you and malign you – mock you – belittle
you – ‘therap’ you – denigrate you – negate you – spiritualise you – project
all sorts of crap on to you.
You are so often deemed as negative by new agers and psychobabblers – why
does everyone try and rid themselves of you – bury you – desensitise and
medicate themselves until they can’t feel you.
You always appear with a purpose on purpose – a messenger of the soul on
fire – intimately connecting us to our vitality, libido and well-being.
You are the key that often opens the dungeons where we have long abandoned
our inner children, teaching us of our (ancestral) patterns of self-compromise,
disempowerment, neglect, family shame and unfinished business.
So often the victim of blame, gaslighting and neglect, you have been
terribly treated and misused.
You can deliver thunderbolts of truth that ‘out’ those with false and
You are rarely welcome.
You don’t care because you don’t give a shit about status, status quo or
consensus when your inner sanctuary is being intruded upon.
You seek justice. Truth. Equality. Respect. Healthy individuation.
Aho anger. Now it is time to honour and welcome you.
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