The Conversation Noone Wants To Have – How To Recover After Severe Narcissistic Abuse
Our psychological make up is complex and most of us have an authentic self as well as an egoic self that at some point in our lives took a blow, a trauma, or a narcissistic injury to our self image and coexists along side our inner self. Both have a part to play in our lives.
Our unique narcissistic injury carries a signature, that we are usually not aware of. At some point this signature, like a drop of blood in the ocean, attracts predators if we are not aware of our patterns and tending to it ourselves through doing the deep work of self reclamation outside of relationship. Some predators, such as sharks, can smell a single drop of blood from over a mile away .
Our narcissistic wound is both our weak point and our sweet spot, in that it contains the keys to our ultimate healing and salvation, yet it is also exactly what the person with a narcissistic personality disorder (PwND) senses and seeks out, as any predator would, because they sense a weakness.
Resting in your own body and enjoying your own inner resource of love is the ultimate aphrodisiac to a PwND – they have no such connection and literally feed off the love in you that you take for granted. A PwND will always want a piece of what you have – not you for your sweet little self – but for the Source of love within you. This is the fundamental error victims of PwNDs fall into, thinking the love bombing they are receiving has anything to do with them being loveable.
A PwND doesn’t want your golden eggs; they have a bigger agenda ~ they are after the goose that lays them. The PwND literally seeks to hustle you and separate you from this Source of love that animates through you and to harvest it for themselves, so you are literally left emptied out and cast by the roadside.
One thing you notice if you ever challenge a PwND, is that, their narrative of events never matches up to yours, and yet their version of events may sound so plausible you begin to doubt yourself as it also makes you feel like the crazy one, even though the energy of their behaviour as you experience through your authentic self feels OFF and WRONG – it’s as if there’s a huge schism between how they present and what you experience under the surface – it’s highly confusing and unsettling – this is a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance where there’s a duplicity occurring creating parallel realities.
Their narcissistic injury is so severe they are actually incapable of loving another, displaying authentic compassion or taking any accountability for their actions or impact on you – they have to deflect, gaslight and project for their survival and avoid any contact with their own narcissistic injury – it’s as if they are cast helplessly as the mirror in the Greek myth of Narcissus and they are unable to be their true selves. They are trapped in this way and destined to always mirror back to you a false identity of themselves engineered to prey on you because they’ve actually disconnected from their source of love and what it is that makes them human.
When a PwND has been and gone in our lives, I believe the psychic fall out and after shock ie the post traumatic stress of having your core self ravaged and plundered as a resource without really realizing what was going on ~ is the biggest thing to over come. It sends the majority of victims into a state of shock that can be very difficult to understand and recover from because there is literally a gaping chasm where it feels as if a chunk of your soul’s flesh has literally been eaten out.
It is actually akin to soul rape. It is so devastating, most victims find themselves unable to just relax back into themselves. Many feel depleted and disorientated and strangely separated out from their bodies. It is as if victims become separated from their own Source BECAUSE they have been vicariously siphoned and attacked in order for the PwNPD to gain the maximum juice from your soul – it usually happens in a way that totally bypasses a victim’s radar of awareness. A PwND is accustomed to specializing in stealth looting that strangley leaves no physical or discernable mark.
I suspect this is because the majority of the misdemeanours of a PwND are psychic or discarnate in nature and target early childhood patterning, trauma as well as ancestral patterns that are the actual origin of these weak spots.
The whole shitstick of this situation is that a person who has suffered this sort of violation can become stuck in victim and blame mentality as a way of desperately trying to get their energy back and reset themselves to Source but as you will be aware, that never seems to work – desperately reading up on Narcissistic people or trying to tell others never actually resolves anything and it’s yet more disempowering to get embroiled in this way as it doesn’t heal or give us a sense of replenishment in the face of the energy we seem to have lost.
Victims of a PwND need to understand how to get back into their bodies, look into their own narcissistic injuries, weak boundaries and relating patterns as part of their recovery. This will bring them back to themselves and aids to reconnect to the Source that originally resourced them before the relationship began. It can require some embodiment practices as well as careful facilitation in how to unpick what has happened and disentangle yourself. It requires a profound self reclamation process and an honouring of yourself for all you have lost and ultimately a return to reclaiming your part in taking responsibility for the patterns you run that led to you getting duped in the first place.
Once you have started to become aware of your own narcissistic injury and patterns of codependency where you unconsciously reenact personal or ancestral patterns of victimhood, you can begin to liberate yourself.