Benign Neglect, Narcissism & Recovering from Abuse

Benign Neglect, Narcissism & Recovering from Abuse

Benign Neglect, Narcissism & Recovering from Abuse

One of the most common and destructive forms of abuse I come across in clients is the consequence of what I call ‘benign neglect’.

It’s like the poison gas they used in trench warfare in WW2.

It’s invisible, quiet and deadly. Before you know it, you’re choking on it and your very survival is at stake unless you have a gas mask to protect yourself and even then you could be screwed.

I witness this phenomenon in clients when they talk about their childhood experiences, when seeking support to crack through an abuse patterning this neglect legacy has imprinted into their bodies, psyche, emotional, energetic and quantum systems.

Ironically, as we dig into the wider quantum field via the body, emotions and what is currently showing up in their lives, a gut wrenching and soul destroying sense of shame sometimes reveals itself as the cloaking mechanism that protects them from having to experience the profound levels of neglect or abuse they experienced at a younger age, again.

On top of this shame, that is difficult in of itself to penetrate, as it protects them from such pain, sits a further survivor mechanism.


Pride that they made something of themselves and became who they are today.

Strong, determined, confident, professional, capable etc

Really amazing qualities usually.

Yet there remains a shadow that splits off.

This split helps compensate for the original trauma, by burying these unaddressed feelings and hauling the person out of the pits of this inner hell, to recover and make something of themselves.

Good on them.

The original wounding remains however.

It emits signals that influence a person’s life undetected, causing all sorts of chaos, upset and emotional mayhem.

The body and its quantum field of co-creation never lie.

Clients often present in a session as being a hapless victim of an illness, reoccurring depression, an addiction, narcissistic abuse, a neglectful friend and they just can’t seem to break out of it.

They have tried everything – you name it and yet the cycle persists, stuck to them like shit on a blanket.

The thing is, when a parent, caretaker or teacher isn’t able to offer the child’s psyche at the time, the understanding, validation and reparatory measures that could address the original issue, it is likely that it imprints a form of ‘benign neglect’ into their system that becomes their modus operandi of selfcare.

In addition, the child may split off the aspect of themselves that was wounded and insufficiently reinforced, validated and soothed, burying it as there was not the sufficient mirroring of acceptance for that aspect of self to survive.

To split off from this pain and the associated feelings that surround it, and bury it, is a natural defense mechanism of the human psyche.

Benign neglect imbues children with a weak core self, which in turn imprints their bodies with a low sense of worth and entitlement to basic respect which in turn programmes their personal aura to accept patterns of abuse from others that match the original settings that have been cast in time.

These patterns appear to be passed on unconsciously and generationally.

Benign neglect of this kind tends to happen also when the parent isn’t sufficiently connected to themselves and their own source of self love so they can’t give their loving attention to a child and instead end up inverting the parenting process forcing or seducing the child to give them the attention, affection or love they never got.

This subverts the flow of love and creates a reversal of polarities in the child, so the child ends up parenting the parent at the tender age where they should be on the receiving end of the loving regard of the parent to grow and develop a healthy sense of self, clear boundaries and feelings of worth.

Children who don’t receive this healthy mirroring seem to have an innate sense of unworthiness because they haven’t had these positive and wholesome qualities mirrored to them and instead become over empathic towards others as this is what they were subliminally programmed to do as children in order to be loveable themselves.

This goes some way to explaining how the narcissist / empath dynamic is enmeshed so deeply into a child’s field, psyche and emotional make up and sets them up with a patterning for life to attract lovers who mirror this inner dynamic of neglectful early love.

Benign neglect also occurs when a caretaker isn’t able to offer any positive mirroring of a child’s growing intuition and encourage it but instead criticises or contradicts it.

Benign neglect also occurs when a child acts out but the adult can’t see the child is actually taking on the adult’s suppressed or repressed shadow emotions or inner child aspects. The adult usually ends up acting out and repeating their own parental dynamic of abuse with their own child, becoming the abusive parent to the child all over again.

I am offering a free energetic scan until the end of October to identify the origin of these patterns in you and show you how you can shift them.
Collective Awakening In An Age of Spiritual Delusion

Collective Awakening In An Age of Spiritual Delusion

Have you ever felt that the life you are living is not your own? Or have you ever felt trapped inside a heavy flesh suit of unprocessed pain and drama, that renders you helpless, unwittingly acting out the patterns, habits and choices handed down to you by your parents, grandparents and ancestors of old?

Perhaps you find yourself enmeshed in the fabric of a spiritual or religious community and in spite of a sense of “belonging” you feel that you are caught in a web of unending emotional process, confused as to your soul’s real purpose and drifting in the midst of it all?

As stagnant and swallowed down pain stirs from the depths inside and rises to the surface, stop for a moment. Breathe and know that you are not alone.

If the overwhelm accompanies you throughout your day, if chaos is the dominant landscape of your inner or outer world, if you are encountering traumatic emotions that make you feel out of control and you are struggling with confusion, grief, rage, shame, fear, panic, jealousy, lust or loneliness, then stop. Again. And breathe. Again. Know once again, that you are not alone.

Like aged time capsules buried in the depths of your body and psyche, these libraries of memory are rising up to the surface of your awareness in response to the immense light and solar radiation currently colliding with the planet. These forces are catalytic, relentless and raising the vibration of the collective, willing or not.

Purging is a mysterious process.

Through experiencing without attachment, through your witnessing or being seen without judgement, through feelings which have remained hidden in blind anxieties and empty worries, your liberation is in full momentum.

Old traumas emerge like the sudden and stark peal of church bells, an unwelcome uprising bursting through into your awareness, melting like the thawing snow and disappearing…if…you remain open and willing to be the landing strip for such flights of grief to depart. 

However, this process threatens the very foundation of life as we know it. It threatens our status quo.

“Make no mistake about it – enlightenment is a destructive process.
 has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier.
Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing

through the facade of pretence. It’s the
complete eradication of everything we
imagined to be true.”
– Adyashanti

In the wake of numerous scandals in political, religious, sporting, showbiz and especially new age and spiritual circles, it is evident that as the facades of pretence drop away and our illusions are cast aside, we are hurtling towards an era of mass planetary and collective awakening.

As you experience your own dysfunctions, reactions and triggers, consider reframing them as symptoms of your inner movement towards freedom. As Adyanshanti says, on the path to enlightenment, the incoming frequencies of enlightenment exert a pressure on all the ‘untruths’ that are inside ‘you’. This includes letting go of identified parts of your ego and that can literally feel as painful as losing a limb.

Diamonds are created in the earth’s crust by gravity weighing down and compacting hardened vegetation over millions of years until a precious jewel is formed. Your higher self applies similar pressure and weighs down on all the rotting vegetation of ‘self’ within you that isn’t aligned with your highest potential, until your awakened and embodied soul emerges free of the debris of your conditioning, into radiant clarity, wholeness and awareness.

When you are confronted with obstacles, consider that you are being invited to lighten the load and let go of all unnecessary aspects of yourself. It’s not until the moment after you have given up your attachment to something that you can see how deeply it cost your wellbeing, happiness and prosperity. As the light pushes deeper and deeper into your psychic underbelly, these stubborn aspects of ‘self’ are expelled from your core towards the surface of your daily life where they can be seen in all their familiar glory. A certain amount of chaos and discomfort may ensue as you are forced to confront these free floating fragments of ancestral and family ‘selves’ that were buried deep within you causing untold grief.

However, these inherited traits can only plague you if you identify them as ‘yourself’ and fail to see them as mere patterns that play out in your life. Recognise that you have a choice to let go of anything that is not aligned with your true ‘essence’.

This is the genuine destiny of awakening that waits for each person at the coal face of their lives. In contrast, many seekers are sold down the river, seduced by the glitz and glamour of the shiny lights of idealised paths pimped by the New Age.

Awakening is not to be found in becoming a reiki “Master” in three weekends for the price of two or in the saccharin sweet messages of the latest Ascended Master Oracle Deck to soothe you in your woes.

Awakening is not transmitted through semi naked social media tantra goddesses who peddle exorbitant courses, coaching and multi-level marketing products for a sexier, more savvy, abundant and orgasmic you.

Awakening is not about witchy or hocus pocus healing rituals or the recitals of sacred mantras in ancient tongues to petition the Gods for grace, gifts and healing. It is not about using mysticism to transcend the suffering of the ordinary life lived by most.

Awakening is not about dressing up in the latest yoga apparel or fair-traded tribal throwback clothing or belonging to a Law of Attraction fuelled, inner clique of self-proclaimed elite super beings who bless their workshop participants with their high vibes and divine presence.

Awakening is not to be found in new age shops or mind, body & spirit shows. Nor is it about fuelling spiritual beliefs that objects such as shiny crystals, magic wands, flower of life symbols on jewellery, tarot decks and cosmic pyramids hold the keys to unlock inner wisdom or for healing and grace to unfold.  

In an age where so many hunger for truth, seeking quick fixes, bypassing the deep and at times turgid inner work, the new age punts its trinkets like the snake oil salesmen of old. So many desire to free themselves, escape their bodies and shirk their responsibilities, using the New Age to bypass taking ownership for their actions, shadows, negative patterns or neuroses.

This emergent brand of new age consumerism and spiritual materialism is toxic. It’s a cunning game of subterfuge enhanced by celebrity and guru endorsements. It continues to dress up anything remotely tribal, ancient or cosmic as the ‘key to liberation, awakening and blissful being’…for a handsome price of course.

This pernicious age of exploitation, misinformation and narcissistic self-serving gurudom encourages the proliferation of yet more traps and distractions that conceal the true inner pathways back to Source.

As the dust settles from the stampedes of spiritual consumers seeking exotic, esoteric, astral and shiny new selves, those that choose to walk the path less travelled, go largely unnoticed. They remain invisible and, like Moses, refuse to perform magical acts of hugging the masses or healing for the gratification of impressing their followers. Working within their communities of family, friends, peers and clients, they seek no glory for shining their light so that others may traverse the inner depths. Many labour away in the shadows and in the anonymity of ordinariness, stoically moving through intense and difficult feelings with steadfast discipline and patience, unseen save for the miraculous frequencies they anchor for the planet.

There is a certain safety and ease that comes with the territory of the collective avoidance which blinds the vast majority through the shared customs and social norms of externalising, disembodying, desensitising and ceiling surfing. It can be so seductive to follow the latest guru, yoga style or dietary fad in the flawed belief that one’s suffering can be addressed in such a quick fix manner.

It’s so easy when we look round and no one else is being real, while desperately trying to conceal their inner turmoil and secret obsessions. In our collective trance state, living lies is the norm. Such collusion is commonplace, and yet it never quite goes away like the incessantly barking dog at night, no matter how many mantras are recited or ablutions to the guru’s feet are made.

Environmental destruction, the loss of our forests, the poisoning of our soils and seas and the plight of the homeless, the poverty stricken and the refugees are all the inevitable consequence of such a lack of personal and collective stewardship of our deeper emotions and soul impulses.

We can no longer live in denial. As we enter this universal power-wash, as we surrender and let ourselves be stripped down and become willing to lose all we held precious…the career ideals, the pride, the false humility, the seething and long nurtured grudges, the delusions of grandeur, the little lies we tell ourselves…everything we stuffed down starts rising to the surface and then becomes a sink hole leading straight to hell.

You may notice your rickety fortress collapsing. LET IT.

Sit back and surrender…

Let the energy move through you. Not just through your mind. But through your body, life, relationships and work.

Bring yourself back to your breath, to your spine and your skin. Attune to the pure frequencies of nature and request only to align yourself to a Source of the highest Truth.

Breathe and just allow yourself to ‘be’ as best as you can…for the one who dares to not know the ‘answers’ keeps journeying inwards to mine their own Source, refusing to abnegate responsibility to any external circumstance or force. They are like the butterfly that pushes out of the cocoon, emerging … tender, pure, whole and brand new… the diamond soul embodied within, resplendent and finally free to take flight unfettered by social, spiritual, karmic or ancestral baggage.

words David Stone

Edits by Mama’s Girl

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