PART 3/3: The Conversation Noone Wants To Have – How To Recover After Narcissistic Abuse

by DavidIStone | Mar 12, 2019 | Articles

The Conversation Noone Wants To Have – How To Recover After Severe Narcissistic Abuse

Our psychological make up is complex and most of us have an authentic self as well as an egoic self that at some point in our lives took a blow, a trauma, or a narcissistic injury to our self image and coexists along side our inner self. Both have a part to play in our lives.

Our unique narcissistic injury carries a signature, that we are usually not aware of. At some point this signature, like a drop of blood in the ocean, attracts predators if we are not aware of our patterns and tending to it ourselves through doing the deep work of self reclamation outside of relationship. Some predators, such as sharks, can smell a single drop of blood from over a mile away .

Our narcissistic wound is both our weak point and our sweet spot, in that it contains the keys to our ultimate healing and salvation, yet it is also exactly what the person with a narcissistic personality disorder (PwND) senses and seeks out, as any predator would, because they sense a weakness.

Resting in your own body and enjoying your own inner resource of love is the ultimate aphrodisiac to a PwND – they have no such connection and literally feed off the love in you that you take for granted. A PwND will always want a piece of what you have – not you for your sweet little self – but for the Source of love within you. This is the fundamental error victims of PwNDs fall into, thinking the love bombing they are receiving has anything to do with them being loveable.

A PwND doesn’t want your golden eggs; they have a bigger agenda ~ they are after the goose that lays them. The PwND literally seeks to hustle you and separate you from this Source of love that animates through you and to harvest it for themselves, so you are literally left emptied out and cast by the roadside.

One thing you notice if you ever challenge a PwND, is that, their narrative of events never matches up to yours, and yet their version of events may sound so plausible you begin to doubt yourself as it also makes you feel like the crazy one, even though the energy of their behaviour as you experience through your authentic self feels OFF and WRONG – it’s as if there’s a huge schism between how they present and what you experience under the surface – it’s highly confusing and unsettling – this is a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance where there’s a duplicity occurring creating parallel realities.

Their narcissistic injury is so severe they are actually incapable of loving another, displaying authentic compassion or taking any accountability for their actions or impact on you – they have to deflect, gaslight and project for their survival and avoid any contact with their own narcissistic injury – it’s as if they are cast helplessly as the mirror in the Greek myth of Narcissus and they are unable to be their true selves. They are trapped in this way and destined to always mirror back to you a false identity of themselves engineered to prey on you because they’ve actually disconnected from their source of love and what it is that makes them human.

When a PwND has been and gone in our lives, I believe the psychic fall out and after shock ie the post traumatic stress of having your core self ravaged and plundered as a resource without really realizing what was going on ~ is the biggest thing to over come. It sends the majority of victims into a state of shock that can be very difficult to understand and recover from because there is literally a gaping chasm where it feels as if a chunk of your soul’s flesh has literally been eaten out.

It is actually akin to soul rape. It is so devastating, most victims find themselves unable to just relax back into themselves. Many feel depleted and disorientated and strangely separated out from their bodies. It is as if victims become separated from their own Source BECAUSE they have been vicariously siphoned and attacked in order for the PwNPD to gain the maximum juice from your soul – it usually happens in a way that totally bypasses a victim’s radar of awareness. A PwND is accustomed to specializing in stealth looting that strangley leaves no physical or discernable mark.

I suspect this is because the majority of the misdemeanours of a PwND are psychic or discarnate in nature and target early childhood patterning, trauma as well as ancestral patterns that are the actual origin of these weak spots.

The whole shitstick of this situation is that a person who has suffered this sort of violation can become stuck in victim and blame mentality as a way of desperately trying to get their energy back and reset themselves to Source but as you will be aware, that never seems to work – desperately reading up on Narcissistic people or trying to tell others never actually resolves anything and it’s yet more disempowering to get embroiled in this way as it doesn’t heal or give us a sense of replenishment in the face of the energy we seem to have lost.

Victims of a PwND need to understand how to get back into their bodies, look into their own narcissistic injuries, weak boundaries and relating patterns as part of their recovery. This will bring them back to themselves and aids to reconnect to the Source that originally resourced them before the relationship began. It can require some embodiment practices as well as careful facilitation in how to unpick what has happened and disentangle yourself. It requires a profound self reclamation process and an honouring of yourself for all you have lost and ultimately a return to reclaiming your part in taking responsibility for the patterns you run that led to you getting duped in the first place.

Once you have started to become aware of your own narcissistic injury and patterns of codependency where you unconsciously reenact personal or ancestral patterns of victimhood, you can begin to liberate yourself.

The New Age Empathy Trap

by DavidIStone | Jan 19, 2019 | Articles

There is a bogus new age notion that you can’t feel other people’s feelings. There is talk that there’s no such thing as projection and that everything you sense is yours ~ a reflection of you and your unconscious emerging. So if you are in pain. It’s always yours. If you are angry, feeling grief, it can never be someone else’s who you’ve picked up on and are holding…

B U L L S H I T

This is another form of gaslighting, of (new age) people taking half baked truths, and making them apply to their popular psychology teachings, modalities and completely dismissing the mechanics of the universe.

I trained as a gestalt psychotherapist, before my psychic, soul healing and quantum embodiment trainings. I studied, projection, transference, counter-transference, introjects, confluence and so on. All the ways, emotions become unclear between two people or intrapsychically within oneself and one’s own sense of self.

Field theory is a psychological theory (more precisely: Topological and vector psychology) which examines patterns of interaction between the individual and the total field, or environment. The concept first made its appearance in psychology with roots to the holistic perspective of Gestalt theories through the gestalt psychologist Kirt Lewin.

In a nutshell – we supress many of our feelings and we are also born into environments where much information is supressed through the generations and we are born with it in our DNA, we absorb it in vitro or in early childhood and we assume this to be us and our way of life.

So it’s difficult to actually pinpoint when something is ours, and when we project and when we have absorbed someone else’s stuff and are processing this.

Many people are acutely empathic and absorbant and pick up on these energies around others and to some extent this is how psychics work, feeling these energies and discarnate beings on the other side of the veil.

Some of us will inadvertently absorb another’s pain, grief or anger. We may or may not spot this and help the other to express or emote it and it clears and everyone feels better.

At other times, we become anchors for others to feel or worse still we are dumping grounds where they come, wipe their feet on the door mat, leave their muck and depart lighter while we take the brunt and feel heavier.

We must take responsibility too for any rescuing, martyrdom and misunderstanding around healing and boundaries in these scenarios too.

A narcissistic way of seeing this would be to point the finger in these situations and say it is ALL the other’s stuff…(gaslighting) this is because a narcissist has to some extent, either in totality (clinical definition) or partially cut themselves off from their authentic self and their inner world where their pain hides.

Their authentic self actually merges into the field where other more receptive people absorb and feel it because they too don’t have a defined sense of self either.

The narcissist can act out their fantasy of who they are, while their true inner world goes elsewhere with in the field. A narcissist however needs a container and a feed to sustain themselves because they have cut themselves off from their own source…their emotions.

So they will replace this externally and find an absorbant person with poor discernment and charm them or worse still, teach them new age concepts, that what they are feeling is theirs. In this way, the narcissist has a host who they can predate upon. Firstly to absorb their gunk, secondly to feed off the life force of the ‘victim’.

The ‘victim’ gains a sense of purpose from and also inadvertently feeds upon the emotions in the field (not their own), because ironically they have also been buried under misconceptions of their true identity, their true feelings and are not able to differentiate between the two.

They are often codependent needing to support others or absorb their feelings to feel useful and needed. This is also the faulty imprint for romantic relationships once the passion has worn off a little and these patterns emerge.

Yet neither is actually to blame. Because it comes down to physics. We have one person who’s sense of identity comes from taking on another’s stuff and another who’s identity comes from giving their stuff to another. So two sides of the same coin, in effect. Victim and perpetrator.

Not quite symbiotic though as the narcissist tends to suck the victim dry, so more parasitic, but with some mutual benefits in the earlier parts, or with people with mild narcissistic tendencies, these things can work quite well together in a mergy co-dependent sort of way where there’s mutual dysfunction.

The difference with a narcissist is that they push their stuff on to the field. You may sense it, but often can’t stop yourself from acting it out. Then they tell you – you are the angry, emotional, teary one, and make you wrong for it. This is the crazy making part of it all. This is the essence of gaslighting.

You end up emoting another’s feelings, then confuse this as you, act it out, try and give it back and then get condemned as the crazy one.

Narcissists thrive on a merged and ill defined field with poor interpersonal boundaries – many people who are traumatised have these qualities and are often found in the new age where tribe vibe feel good tendencies create the perfect breeding ground for this dynamic to flourish.

The perfect way to counter this is to start to define yourself. Get to know your breathing patterns especially under stress and triggers as well as tracking the physical edges and boundaries of your body during meditation, ritual and group process. This way, you begin to own yourself, your personal energy field, your body and take responsibility for your cocreations in each given moment.

If you’d like to discuss clearing these patterns in more detail get in touch

www.embodiedsoulawakening.com