Benign Neglect, Narcissism & Recovering from Abuse
One of the most common and destructive forms of abuse I come across in clients is the consequence of what I call ‘benign neglect’.
It’s like the poison gas they used in trench warfare in WW2.
It’s invisible, quiet and deadly. Before you know it, you’re choking on it and your very survival is at stake unless you have a gas mask to protect yourself and even then you could be screwed.
I witness this phenomenon in clients when they talk about their childhood experiences, when seeking support to crack through an abuse patterning this neglect legacy has imprinted into their bodies, psyche, emotional, energetic and quantum systems.
Ironically, as we dig into the wider quantum field via the body, emotions and what is currently showing up in their lives, a gut wrenching and soul destroying sense of shame sometimes reveals itself as the cloaking mechanism that protects them from having to experience the profound levels of neglect or abuse they experienced at a younger age, again.
On top of this shame, that is difficult in of itself to penetrate, as it protects them from such pain, sits a further survivor mechanism.
Pride that they made something of themselves and became who they are today.
Strong, determined, confident, professional, capable etc
Really amazing qualities usually.
Yet there remains a shadow that splits off.
This split helps compensate for the original trauma, by burying these unaddressed feelings and hauling the person out of the pits of this inner hell, to recover and make something of themselves.
Good on them.
The original wounding remains however.
It emits signals that influence a person’s life undetected, causing all sorts of chaos, upset and emotional mayhem.
The body and its quantum field of co-creation never lie.
Clients often present in a session as being a hapless victim of an illness, reoccurring depression, an addiction, narcissistic abuse, a neglectful friend and they just can’t seem to break out of it.
They have tried everything – you name it and yet the cycle persists, stuck to them like shit on a blanket.
The thing is, when a parent, caretaker or teacher isn’t able to offer the child’s psyche at the time, the understanding, validation and reparatory measures that could address the original issue, it is likely that it imprints a form of ‘benign neglect’ into their system that becomes their modus operandi of selfcare.
In addition, the child may split off the aspect of themselves that was wounded and insufficiently reinforced, validated and soothed, burying it as there was not the sufficient mirroring of acceptance for that aspect of self to survive.
To split off from this pain and the associated feelings that surround it, and bury it, is a natural defense mechanism of the human psyche.
Benign neglect imbues children with a weak core self, which in turn imprints their bodies with a low sense of worth and entitlement to basic respect which in turn programmes their personal aura to accept patterns of abuse from others that match the original settings that have been cast in time.
These patterns appear to be passed on unconsciously and generationally.
Benign neglect of this kind tends to happen also when the parent isn’t sufficiently connected to themselves and their own source of self love so they can’t give their loving attention to a child and instead end up inverting the parenting process forcing or seducing the child to give them the attention, affection or love they never got.
This subverts the flow of love and creates a reversal of polarities in the child, so the child ends up parenting the parent at the tender age where they should be on the receiving end of the loving regard of the parent to grow and develop a healthy sense of self, clear boundaries and feelings of worth.
Children who don’t receive this healthy mirroring seem to have an innate sense of unworthiness because they haven’t had these positive and wholesome qualities mirrored to them and instead become over empathic towards others as this is what they were subliminally programmed to do as children in order to be loveable themselves.
This goes some way to explaining how the narcissist / empath dynamic is enmeshed so deeply into a child’s field, psyche and emotional make up and sets them up with a patterning for life to attract lovers who mirror this inner dynamic of neglectful early love.
Benign neglect also occurs when a caretaker isn’t able to offer any positive mirroring of a child’s growing intuition and encourage it but instead criticises or contradicts it.
Benign neglect also occurs when a child acts out but the adult can’t see the child is actually taking on the adult’s suppressed or repressed shadow emotions or inner child aspects. The adult usually ends up acting out and repeating their own parental dynamic of abuse with their own child, becoming the abusive parent to the child all over again.
I am offering a free energetic scan until the end of October to identify the origin of these patterns in you and show you how you can shift them.