There is a bogus new age notion that you can’t feel other people’s feelings. There is talk that there’s no such thing as projection and that everything you sense is yours ~ a reflection of you and your unconscious emerging. So if you are in pain. It’s always yours. If you are angry, feeling grief, it can never be someone else’s who you’ve picked up on and are holding…


This is another form of gaslighting, of (new age) people taking half baked truths, and making them apply to their popular psychology teachings, modalities and completely dismissing the mechanics of the universe.

I trained as a gestalt psychotherapist, before my psychic, soul healing and quantum embodiment trainings. I studied, projection, transference, counter-transference, introjects, confluence and so on. All the ways, emotions become unclear between two people or intrapsychically within oneself and one’s own sense of self.

Field theory is a psychological theory (more precisely: Topological and vector psychology) which examines patterns of interaction between the individual and the total field, or environment. The concept first made its appearance in psychology with roots to the holistic perspective of Gestalt theories through the gestalt psychologist Kirt Lewin.

In a nutshell – we supress many of our feelings and we are also born into environments where much information is supressed through the generations and we are born with it in our DNA, we absorb it in vitro or in early childhood and we assume this to be us and our way of life.

So it’s difficult to actually pinpoint when something is ours, and when we project and when we have absorbed someone else’s stuff and are processing this.

Many people are acutely empathic and absorbant and pick up on these energies around others and to some extent this is how psychics work, feeling these energies and discarnate beings on the other side of the veil.

Some of us will inadvertently absorb another’s pain, grief or anger. We may or may not spot this and help the other to express or emote it and it clears and everyone feels better.

At other times, we become anchors for others to feel or worse still we are dumping grounds where they come, wipe their feet on the door mat, leave their muck and depart lighter while we take the brunt and feel heavier.

We must take responsibility too for any rescuing, martyrdom and misunderstanding around healing and boundaries in these scenarios too.

A narcissistic way of seeing this would be to point the finger in these situations and say it is ALL the other’s stuff…(gaslighting) this is because a narcissist has to some extent, either in totality (clinical definition) or partially cut themselves off from their authentic self and their inner world where their pain hides.

Their authentic self actually merges into the field where other more receptive people absorb and feel it because they too don’t have a defined sense of self either.

The narcissist can act out their fantasy of who they are, while their true inner world goes elsewhere with in the field. A narcissist however needs a container and a feed to sustain themselves because they have cut themselves off from their own source…their emotions.

So they will replace this externally and find an absorbant person with poor discernment and charm them or worse still, teach them new age concepts, that what they are feeling is theirs. In this way, the narcissist has a host who they can predate upon. Firstly to absorb their gunk, secondly to feed off the life force of the ‘victim’.

The ‘victim’ gains a sense of purpose from and also inadvertently feeds upon the emotions in the field (not their own), because ironically they have also been buried under misconceptions of their true identity, their true feelings and are not able to differentiate between the two.

They are often codependent needing to support others or absorb their feelings to feel useful and needed. This is also the faulty imprint for romantic relationships once the passion has worn off a little and these patterns emerge.

Yet neither is actually to blame. Because it comes down to physics. We have one person who’s sense of identity comes from taking on another’s stuff and another who’s identity comes from giving their stuff to another. So two sides of the same coin, in effect. Victim and perpetrator.

Not quite symbiotic though as the narcissist tends to suck the victim dry, so more parasitic, but with some mutual benefits in the earlier parts, or with people with mild narcissistic tendencies, these things can work quite well together in a mergy co-dependent sort of way where there’s mutual dysfunction.

The difference with a narcissist is that they push their stuff on to the field. You may sense it, but often can’t stop yourself from acting it out. Then they tell you – you are the angry, emotional, teary one, and make you wrong for it. This is the crazy making part of it all. This is the essence of gaslighting.

You end up emoting another’s feelings, then confuse this as you, act it out, try and give it back and then get condemned as the crazy one.

Narcissists thrive on a merged and ill defined field with poor interpersonal boundaries – many people who are traumatised have these qualities and are often found in the new age where tribe vibe feel good tendencies create the perfect breeding ground for this dynamic to flourish.

The perfect way to counter this is to start to define yourself. Get to know your breathing patterns especially under stress and triggers as well as tracking the physical edges and boundaries of your body during meditation, ritual and group process. This way, you begin to own yourself, your personal energy field, your body and take responsibility for your cocreations in each given moment.

If you’d like to discuss clearing these patterns in more detail get in touch

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