Whatever you are feeling, no matter how dark or shameful ~ admit it, at least to yourself.
Like a beachball pushed under water, it has to rise up, without fail, because no matter how hard you try to submerge it, the ball will not cease rising up against your resistance until you are utterly exhausted.
If you relent, you will feel the burden of holding yourself down in the shadows of your emotional waters ~ lift.
So today, start your day with the gift of acknowledgement that whatever you are feeling is absolutely welcome.
Even if it feels like the last feeling on earth you wanted to experience. Name this UNWANTED feeling out aloud.
I am feeling…….. I am feeling ….really shit I am feeling…like I want to give up I am feeling…life is hopeless I am feeling…there’s just no point I am feeling…empty
……..name yours here……… and then love the shit out of it.
Like waves in the ocean, feelings rise and fall. You can be sure of this.
Sometimes waves crash spectacularly. Sometimes they are non existent and the sea appears dead calm.
Experiencing parts of your soul as these emotional waves returning to your shores is the same. It takes time and patience because we can not control what needs to be felt and seen.
As we learn to sit with our ‘waves’. Not judging them enables us to bring ourselves back into the light and to surf the tide.
Let what is in you return. Into the breath. Into the body. Into this present moment.
As you practice naming, witnessing and embodying your moment to moment experiences. You begin to awaken to your true experience.
Not the one you wanted to have or imagined you’d have. To be right here right now ~ as the witnessing presence to your vulnerable innocence that may only know rejection, scorn, shame and ignominy.
This is the path of awakening.
Behind the discord and the suffering of any exprerience an eternal truth remains. No matter how dark and bleak things appear in your inner landscape.
The sun of your awareness will eventually illuminate whatever is inside you. Feelings come and go – even the most intolerable, shockingly persistent and pernicious ones are simply beach balls that have got trapped under your waters in the sticky mud.
Whatever you resist, push away or deny persists. The more you step away from what simply wants to be shown to you and welcomed back into your experience, the more it will scream at you and hurl abuse.
The more you deny its presence in you, the more it will appear as your foe in life. This aspect of you externalises and is the mirrored reflection to your inner beloved’s denial within.
Like yin and yang, victim and perpetrator, narcissist and empath, two sides of the same coin, partners in crime. Let your experiences be owned fully so that your natural outrage, grief and frustations may come back home and be held by you.
Go gently on your tender heart. Let go of the need to perceive yourself in any particular identity to keep those shameful feelings at bay. Let go of comparing yourself to or judging others for playing their part in this dance.
As the seed sheds its shell and the shoot is yet to rise from the earth, the death of one phase of ‘beingness’ awaits the birth of another. Make room for all not knowing what the hell is going on and all the feelings which accompany this ‘breaking open’.
Otherwise you will get quogmired, swamped and festooned by your judgements, biases, expectations and moral compass. Fear, contraction and blame will proliferate like a weed in your inner garden and swamp your seedlings.
It can feel very scary when all you have known and thought to be you was only the reaction to the duality of action and reaction that was beyond your awareness. Let these feelings of breaking open, of dieing and not knowing arise in you.
As parts of you break off and fall away, they become the fertile ground for The New You to seed.
Water this seed within you with your love, tears, gratitude, sweat and tenderness.
You will birth a miracle. The New You. A life you never dreamt possible will rise from within, free of old karma and baggage. Strong and sure, your shoot can now thrive and become all you always knew you could possibly be.
Have you ever felt that the life you are living is not your own? Or have you ever felt trapped inside a heavy flesh suit of unprocessed pain and drama, that renders you helpless, unwittingly acting out the patterns, habits and choices handed down to you by your parents, grandparents and ancestors of old?
Perhaps you find
yourself enmeshed in the fabric of a spiritual or religious community and in
spite of a sense of “belonging” you feel that you are caught in a web of
unending emotional process, confused as to your soul’s real purpose and drifting
in the midst of it all?
As stagnant and
swallowed down pain stirs from the depths inside and rises to the surface, stop
for a moment. Breathe and know that you are not alone.
If the overwhelm
accompanies you throughout your day, if chaos is the dominant landscape of your
inner or outer world, if you are encountering traumatic emotions that make you
feel out of control and you are struggling with confusion, grief, rage, shame, fear,
panic, jealousy, lust or loneliness, then stop. Again. And breathe. Again. Know
once again, that you are not alone.
Like aged time
capsules buried in the depths of your body and psyche, these libraries of
memory are rising up to the surface of your awareness in response to the
immense light and solar radiation currently colliding with the planet. These
forces are catalytic, relentless and raising the vibration of the collective,
willing or not.
Purging is a mysterious process.
Through experiencing without attachment, through your
witnessing or being seen without judgement, through feelings which have
remained hidden in blind anxieties and empty worries, your liberation is in
full momentum.
Old traumas emerge like the sudden and stark peal of church
bells, an unwelcome uprising bursting through into your awareness, melting like
the thawing snow and disappearing…if…you remain open and willing to be the
landing strip for such flights of grief to depart.
However, this process threatens the very foundation of life
as we know it. It threatens our status quo.
“Make no mistake about it – enlightenment
is a destructive process.
Ithas nothing to do with becoming better or being
happier.
Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretence. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” – Adyashanti
In the wake of numerous scandals in political, religious,
sporting, showbiz and especially new age and spiritual circles, it is evident
that as the facades of pretence drop away and our illusions are cast aside, we
are hurtling towards an era of mass planetary and collective awakening.
As you experience your own dysfunctions, reactions and
triggers, consider reframing them as symptoms of your inner movement towards
freedom. As Adyanshanti says, on the path to enlightenment, the incoming
frequencies of enlightenment exert a pressure on all the ‘untruths’ that are inside
‘you’. This includes letting go of identified parts of your ego and that can literally
feel as painful as losing a limb.
Diamonds are created in the earth’s crust by gravity weighing
down and compacting hardened vegetation over millions of years until a precious
jewel is formed. Your higher self applies similar pressure and weighs down on all
the rotting vegetation of ‘self’ within you that isn’t aligned with your
highest potential, until your awakened and embodied soul emerges free of the
debris of your conditioning, into radiant clarity, wholeness and awareness.
When you are confronted with obstacles, consider that you
are being invited to lighten the load and let go of all unnecessary aspects of
yourself. It’s not until the moment after you have given up your attachment to
something that you can see how deeply it cost your wellbeing, happiness and
prosperity. As the light pushes deeper and deeper into your psychic underbelly,
these stubborn aspects of ‘self’ are expelled from your core towards the
surface of your daily life where they can be seen in all their familiar glory.
A certain amount of chaos and discomfort may ensue as you are forced to
confront these free floating fragments of ancestral and family ‘selves’ that
were buried deep within you causing untold grief.
However, these inherited traits can only plague you if you identify
them as ‘yourself’ and fail to see them as mere patterns that play out in your
life. Recognise that you have a choice to let go of anything that is not aligned
with your true ‘essence’.
This is the genuine destiny of awakening that waits for each
person at the coal face of their lives. In contrast, many seekers are sold down
the river, seduced by the glitz and glamour of the shiny lights of idealised paths
pimped by the New Age.
Awakening is not to be found in becoming a reiki “Master” in
three weekends for the price of two or in the saccharin sweet messages of the
latest Ascended Master Oracle Deck to soothe you in your woes.
Awakening is not transmitted through semi naked social media
tantra goddesses who peddle exorbitant courses, coaching and multi-level
marketing products for a sexier, more savvy, abundant and orgasmic you.
Awakening is not about witchy or hocus pocus healing rituals
or the recitals of sacred mantras in ancient tongues to petition the Gods for grace,
gifts and healing. It is not about using mysticism to transcend the suffering
of the ordinary life lived by most.
Awakening is not about dressing up in the latest yoga
apparel or fair-traded tribal throwback clothing or belonging to a Law of
Attraction fuelled, inner clique of self-proclaimed elite super beings who bless
their workshop participants with their high vibes and divine presence.
Awakening is not to be found in new age shops or mind, body
& spirit shows. Nor is it about fuelling spiritual beliefs that objects
such as shiny crystals, magic wands, flower of life symbols on jewellery, tarot
decks and cosmic pyramids hold the keys to unlock inner wisdom or for healing
and grace to unfold.
In an age where so many hunger for truth, seeking quick
fixes, bypassing the deep and at times turgid inner work, the new age punts its
trinkets like the snake oil salesmen of old. So many desire to free themselves,
escape their bodies and shirk their responsibilities, using the New Age to bypass
taking ownership for their actions, shadows, negative patterns or neuroses.
This emergent brand of new age consumerism and spiritual
materialism is toxic. It’s a cunning game of subterfuge enhanced by celebrity and
guru endorsements. It continues to dress up anything remotely tribal, ancient
or cosmic as the ‘key to liberation, awakening and blissful being’…for a handsome
price of course.
This pernicious age of exploitation, misinformation and
narcissistic self-serving gurudom encourages the proliferation of yet more traps
and distractions that conceal the true inner pathways back to Source.
As the dust settles from the stampedes of spiritual consumers
seeking exotic, esoteric, astral and shiny new selves, those that choose to
walk the path less travelled, go largely unnoticed. They remain invisible and, like
Moses, refuse to perform magical acts of hugging the masses or healing for the
gratification of impressing their followers. Working within their communities
of family, friends, peers and clients, they seek no glory for shining their
light so that others may traverse the inner depths. Many labour away in the shadows
and in the anonymity of ordinariness, stoically moving through intense and
difficult feelings with steadfast discipline and patience, unseen save for the
miraculous frequencies they anchor for the planet.
There is a certain safety and ease that comes with the
territory of the collective avoidance which blinds the vast majority through
the shared customs and social norms of externalising, disembodying, desensitising
and ceiling surfing. It can be so seductive to follow the latest guru, yoga style
or dietary fad in the flawed belief that one’s suffering can be addressed in
such a quick fix manner.
It’s so easy when we look round and no one else is being
real, while desperately trying to conceal their inner turmoil and secret
obsessions. In our collective trance state, living lies is the norm. Such
collusion is commonplace, and yet it never quite goes away like the incessantly
barking dog at night, no matter how many mantras are recited or ablutions to
the guru’s feet are made.
Environmental destruction, the loss of our forests, the
poisoning of our soils and seas and the plight of the homeless, the poverty
stricken and the refugees are all the inevitable consequence of such a lack of
personal and collective stewardship of our deeper emotions and soul impulses.
We can no longer live in denial. As we enter this universal power-wash,
as we surrender and let ourselves be stripped down and become willing to lose
all we held precious…the career ideals, the pride, the false humility, the
seething and long nurtured grudges, the delusions of grandeur, the little lies
we tell ourselves…everything we stuffed down starts rising to the surface and
then becomes a sink hole leading straight to hell.
You may notice your rickety fortress collapsing. LET IT.
Sit back and surrender…
Let the energy move through you. Not just through your mind.
But through your body, life, relationships and work.
Bring yourself back to your breath, to your spine and your
skin. Attune to the pure frequencies of nature and request only to align
yourself to a Source of the highest Truth.
Breathe and just allow yourself to ‘be’ as best as you can…for the one who dares to not know the ‘answers’ keeps journeying inwards to mine their own Source, refusing to abnegate responsibility to any external circumstance or force. They are like the butterfly that pushes out of the cocoon, emerging … tender, pure, whole and brand new… the diamond soul embodied within, resplendent and finally free to take flight unfettered by social, spiritual, karmic or ancestral baggage.
The Conversation Noone Wants To Have – How To Recover After Severe Narcissistic Abuse
Our psychological make up is complex and most of us have an authentic
self as well as an egoic self that at some point in our lives took a
blow, a trauma, or a narcissistic injury to our self image and coexists
along side our inner self. Both have a part to play in our lives.
Our unique narcissistic injury carries a signature, that we are usually
not aware of. At some point this signature, like a drop of blood in the
ocean, attracts predators if we are not aware of our patterns and
tending to it ourselves through doing the deep work of self reclamation
outside of relationship. Some predators, such as sharks, can smell a
single drop of blood from over a mile away .
Our narcissistic
wound is both our weak point and our sweet spot, in that it contains the
keys to our ultimate healing and salvation, yet it is also exactly what
the person with a narcissistic personality disorder (PwND) senses and
seeks out, as any predator would, because they sense a weakness.
Resting in your own body and enjoying your own inner resource of love
is the ultimate aphrodisiac to a PwND – they have no such connection and
literally feed off the love in you that you take for granted. A PwND
will always want a piece of what you have – not you for your sweet
little self – but for the Source of love within you. This is the
fundamental error victims of PwNDs fall into, thinking the love bombing
they are receiving has anything to do with them being loveable.
A
PwND doesn’t want your golden eggs; they have a bigger agenda ~ they
are after the goose that lays them. The PwND literally seeks to hustle
you and separate you from this Source of love that animates through you
and to harvest it for themselves, so you are literally left emptied out
and cast by the roadside.
One thing you notice if you ever
challenge a PwND, is that, their narrative of events never matches up to
yours, and yet their version of events may sound so plausible you begin
to doubt yourself as it also makes you feel like the crazy one, even
though the energy of their behaviour as you experience through your
authentic self feels OFF and WRONG – it’s as if there’s a huge schism
between how they present and what you experience under the surface –
it’s highly confusing and unsettling – this is a phenomenon known as
cognitive dissonance where there’s a duplicity occurring creating
parallel realities.
Their narcissistic injury is so severe they
are actually incapable of loving another, displaying authentic
compassion or taking any accountability for their actions or impact on
you – they have to deflect, gaslight and project for their survival and
avoid any contact with their own narcissistic injury – it’s as if they
are cast helplessly as the mirror in the Greek myth of Narcissus and
they are unable to be their true selves. They are trapped in this way
and destined to always mirror back to you a false identity of themselves
engineered to prey on you because they’ve actually disconnected from
their source of love and what it is that makes them human.
When
a PwND has been and gone in our lives, I believe the psychic fall out
and after shock ie the post traumatic stress of having your core self
ravaged and plundered as a resource without really realizing what was
going on ~ is the biggest thing to over come. It sends the majority of
victims into a state of shock that can be very difficult to understand
and recover from because there is literally a gaping chasm where it
feels as if a chunk of your soul’s flesh has literally been eaten out.
It is actually akin to soul rape. It is so devastating, most victims
find themselves unable to just relax back into themselves. Many feel
depleted and disorientated and strangely separated out from their
bodies. It is as if victims become separated from their own Source
BECAUSE they have been vicariously siphoned and attacked in order for
the PwNPD to gain the maximum juice from your soul – it usually happens
in a way that totally bypasses a victim’s radar of awareness. A PwND is
accustomed to specializing in stealth looting that strangley leaves no
physical or discernable mark.
I suspect this is because the
majority of the misdemeanours of a PwND are psychic or discarnate in
nature and target early childhood patterning, trauma as well as
ancestral patterns that are the actual origin of these weak spots.
The whole shitstick of this situation is that a person who has suffered
this sort of violation can become stuck in victim and blame mentality
as a way of desperately trying to get their energy back and reset
themselves to Source but as you will be aware, that never seems to work
– desperately reading up on Narcissistic people or trying to tell
others never actually resolves anything and it’s yet more disempowering
to get embroiled in this way as it doesn’t heal or give us a sense of
replenishment in the face of the energy we seem to have lost.
Victims of a PwND need to understand how to get back into their bodies,
look into their own narcissistic injuries, weak boundaries and relating
patterns as part of their recovery. This will bring them back to
themselves and aids to reconnect to the Source that originally resourced
them before the relationship began. It can require some embodiment
practices as well as careful facilitation in how to unpick what has
happened and disentangle yourself. It requires a profound self
reclamation process and an honouring of yourself for all you have lost
and ultimately a return to reclaiming your part in taking responsibility
for the patterns you run that led to you getting duped in the first
place.
Once you have started to become aware of your own
narcissistic injury and patterns of codependency where you unconsciously
reenact personal or ancestral patterns of victimhood, you can begin to
liberate yourself.
Shame Bombing, narcissism and The Victim Archetype
Unhealthy shaming often involves manipulation and control of another to avoid one’s own sense of inadequacy.
Unhealthy shaming is usually about influencing someone’s perception of
themselves to force an outcome from them and avoid feeling more deeply
into one’s own primary issues. Shame can be subliminally and
unconsciously transfered onto the other to make them feel responsible
for causing these unsavoury feelings so the originator of them doesn’t
have to deal with their own deeper issues.
The intended victim of
unhealthy shaming is targeted to gain something back that was perceived
to have been lost to them or indeed where shadowy emotions are at play;
namely envy, jealousy, competitiveness, lust or greed that drive a
person to want to strip another of their resources, energy and indeed
libido.
Unhealthy shame can include using one’s emotions, will or
influence to denigrate another’s sense of wholeness or reputation in
front of others for personal gain.
This phenomenon forms part of a
very common human dynamic around healing a blow to one’s ego, known as a
‘narcissistic injury’ – ie when we perceive someone acts in a way that
harms our ego and our perception of ourselves, we often feel the need to
restore it to wholeness…often at the other’s expense as opposed to
drawing upon our own reserves and replenishing ourselves from our
connection to a greater Source where we are not dependent on another’s
input.
If we are skilled at connecting with our own Source to
make ourselves good again, we can then address the issue with another
from a more neutral place where we aren’t looking to the other to make
us whole again, but to rather address a pattern that does not serve our
wellbeing and set a boundary or limit.
Nevertheless, in certain
examples it is essential to address this imbalance externally. Say a
person is raped, robbed, conned or endures domestic violence, this is
not a situation where appealing to the other person’s healthy shame is
appropriate. A court case in which the legal and personal ramifications
can be addressed with a (custodial) punishment or indeed a public
admission of accountability and culpability can go some way to assisting
the healing of those physical, emotional as well as psychological and
indeed narcissistic injuries.
However, the majority of situations
do not relate to crimes, but revolve around the way a person believes
they have been harmed emotionally largely through the way they perceive
they have been treated within a relationship or one off interpersonal
transaction. Many people experience a legacy of feeling insulted,
slighted, put down, dropped, disrespected or being on the receiving end
of broken agreements that have hurt their feelings and undermined not
only their trust in another but also in themselves.
A person
with highly narcissistic tendencies or indeed the narcissistic
personality disorder will also experience a narcissistic injury and feel
justified in seeking recourse from another when a blow to their ego
arises.
However, the difference to a healthy person who
experiences a narcissitic injury and a narcissist, is that there is
rarely any justification whatsoever for the narcissistic person to feel
injured!
ie when you HEALTHILY differentiate yourself and stop
the two of you merging in order to protect your energy, set a healthy
boundary around unacceptable, one way or vampiric behaviour, refuse to
meet another’s needs or appease their demands you often end up behaving
in a way that frustrates their entitlement over your resources, energy,
liberty or sovreignity as well as innate need to control, manipulate and
own you (so they dont have to feel their innate sense of
emptyness/woundedness/lack/pain). The result is they will seek to shame
you unhealthily or vilify you to others under pretexts that sound
plausible and justified.
In both examples, whether
narcissistically orientated or just plain old conflict between two
normal people, the perception of the victim is that the actions of the
perpetrator may have brought up a sense of inadequacy or anxiety or old
trauma and it is the other person’s fault that they feel hurt,
abandoned, dropped, betrayed or neglected etc. Instead of owning this
‘narcissistic injury’ and taking responsibility for the deeper origins,
most people’s natural instinct is to blame the other person for making
them feel this way.
Constantly seeking reflections from others
and their admission of guilt or responsibility to reinforce our own
sense of wholeness and redress these grievances, leaves us open to
playing the victim shame game and a toxic level of codependency and
sadly repeating these patterns over and over again as the root cause is
never addressed.
This tendency to feel ‘less than’ because of
someone else’s behaviour is an indictment of our times where so many
people’s sense of wholeness has been so compromised due to dysfunctional
upbringings and a whole load of religiously flawed and socially
acceptable romantic and new age twin flame crap about soul mates being
there to make you feel whole again….arghhhhhh.
Some people look
towards others to restore their sense of wholeness through shaming them
with the full payload of their unprocessed pain. This time bomb of
complex personal and ancestral patterning and trauma, is hurled at the
other as if it is all their fault for triggering it! There is far too
much emphasis on getting others to admit to their ‘faults’ to redress
their errors, rather than doing the inner work on ourselves to heal
these core wounds from our own upbringing and ancestral unconscious
patterning and identifying where we too have played a role in cocreating
these dynamics.
So, the darker and unhealthy and toxic side of
shame, involves using these wounds/traumas as a weaponised attempt to
bring someone down or cut them to size and make them take on our pain
through transference and blame…
When someone emotionally
undermines you with the attack potency of unprocessed emotions or
attempts to control you and make you responsible for their tacit
expectations, it can make you feel sick and very heavy with strange
feelings that are not actually yours to process. It can take some
refined skill in learning not to take these energies on and to spit them
out.
This can in turn show you where you have hidden ancestral shame that acts as a magnet to another’s toxic shame bomb
In some cases claiming there were ‘faux’ agreements that were not
explicitly agreed upon by both parties (childhood unmet expectations
being projected here), that one feels they somehow broke is another
toxic way of enmeshing someone in an unhealthy shame web.
Making
someone else accountable for one’s feelings or wounds and attributing
them the power or responsibility for causing them to come up is at the
essence of toxic shaming. Influencing peers to believe certain stories
about this person based on these myths is at the centre of gossip,
slander and defamation.
Ironically and conversely, narcissistic
personal growth teachers/gurus and facilitators, priestesses, Goddesses,
avatars etc will also take advantage of these dynamics by taking
absolutely NO RESPONSIBILITY for their behaviour, ignoring any
agreements, codes of conduct, professional or moral standards and push
all consequences and impacts of their behaviour back on the person who
has been affected without looking at the deeper shadows within
themselves, their tools, their community of practice or indeed the deity
or discarnate entity they claim to be God/Goddess which heals their
clients/community…(but that’s a whole other blog in itself)
It is indeed a subtle and complex issue identifying personal responsibilty.
People with deep victim patterns tends to reneact situations where they
can play out these misdemeanours by others which further complicates
the situation! Some professional victims, are naricissistically inclined
and are constantly seeking to hold others responsible for their unmet
needs, or ancestrally and psychically guised pain, through a catalogue
of subliminal ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to haves’ that bombard the nervous
system and exploit the other’s healthy shame settings.
All these
shame bombings have one thing in common. They attempt to force another
to take on a disowned emotion, acquiesce and therefore submit their
personal power to the other person’s set of inner rules or expectations
to override their own better judgement to appease the toxic shame being
laid at their door.
Confusingly in the New Age, this shame bomb
can come in the guise of honest directness, sacred sexuality talk or non
violent communication as well as plain old blaming. Often it is a
cleverly disguised and highly charged attempt to leverage personal power
and self importance over another so the person in denial can justify
these seemingly plausible notions as reasonable expectations to get
around a person’s healthy shielding from toxic shame.
I recently interviewed Mas Sajady during his UK tour, on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur without selling your soul.
I have been relatively successful in my life, from big corporate jobs to running my own business as a self employed marketing agent and consultant, but I always ended up burnt out, getting ill, sabotaging myself or the success fizzled out along with my mojo.
Working with Mas for the last 3 years has enabled me to clear these underlieing patterns and find an enduring connection to the energy which sustains me and yet doesn’t cost me down the line.
It is a paradigm shifting way of working whereby you don’t have to compromise any part of yourself or your life to find your true purpose and attract abundance, health and wellbeing.
The Interview is in 2 parts below.
For a POWERFUL 12 minute medihealing with Mas on Significant Success For Entrepeneurs, please sign up now to the community to receive your link for FREE here: https://embodiedsoulawakening.com/membership/
For more information on Mas and his programmes please go to www.massajady.com
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