Rebirthing Wholeness From The Darkness Within
Whatever you are feeling, no matter how dark or shameful ~ admit it, at least to yourself.
Like a beachball pushed under water, it has to rise up, without fail, because no matter how hard you try to submerge it, the ball will not cease rising up against your resistance until you are utterly exhausted.
If you relent, you will feel the burden of holding yourself down in the shadows of your emotional waters ~ lift.
So today, start your day with the gift of acknowledgement that whatever you are feeling is absolutely welcome.
Even if it feels like the last feeling on earth you wanted to experience.
Name this UNWANTED feeling out aloud.
I am feeling……..
I am feeling ….really shit
I am feeling…like I want to give up
I am feeling…life is hopeless
I am feeling…there’s just no point
I am feeling…empty
……..name yours here………
and then love the shit out of it.
Like waves in the ocean, feelings rise and fall.
You can be sure of this.
Sometimes waves crash spectacularly.
Sometimes they are non existent and the sea appears dead calm.
Experiencing parts of your soul as these emotional waves returning to your shores is the same. It takes time and patience because we can not control what needs to be felt and seen.
As we learn to sit with our ‘waves’. Not judging them enables us to bring ourselves back into the light and to surf the tide.
Let what is in you return. Into the breath.
Into the body. Into this present moment.
As you practice naming, witnessing and embodying your moment to moment experiences. You begin to awaken to your true experience.
Not the one you wanted to have or imagined you’d have.
To be right here right now ~ as the witnessing presence to your vulnerable innocence that may only know rejection, scorn, shame and ignominy.
This is the path of awakening.
Behind the discord and the suffering of any exprerience an eternal truth remains. No matter how dark and bleak things appear in your inner landscape.
The sun of your awareness will eventually illuminate whatever is inside you. Feelings come and go – even the most intolerable, shockingly persistent and pernicious ones are simply beach balls that have got trapped under your waters in the sticky mud.
Whatever you resist, push away or deny persists. The more you step away from what simply wants to be shown to you and welcomed back into your experience, the more it will scream at you and hurl abuse.
The more you deny its presence in you, the more it will appear as your foe in life. This aspect of you externalises and is the mirrored reflection to your inner beloved’s denial within.
Like yin and yang, victim and perpetrator, narcissist and empath, two sides of the same coin, partners in crime. Let your experiences be owned fully so that your natural outrage, grief and frustations may come back home and be held by you.
Go gently on your tender heart. Let go of the need to perceive yourself in any particular identity to keep those shameful feelings at bay. Let go of comparing yourself to or judging others for playing their part in this dance.
As the seed sheds its shell and the shoot is yet to rise from the earth, the death of one phase of ‘beingness’ awaits the birth of another. Make room for all not knowing what the hell is going on and all the feelings which accompany this ‘breaking open’.
Otherwise you will get quogmired, swamped and festooned by your judgements, biases, expectations and moral compass. Fear, contraction and blame will proliferate like a weed in your inner garden and swamp your seedlings.
It can feel very scary when all you have known and thought to be you was only the reaction to the duality of action and reaction that was beyond your awareness. Let these feelings of breaking open, of dieing and not knowing arise in you.
As parts of you break off and fall away, they become the fertile ground for The New You to seed.
Water this seed within you with your love, tears, gratitude, sweat and tenderness.
You will birth a miracle. The New You. A life you never dreamt possible will rise from within, free of old karma and baggage. Strong and sure, your shoot can now thrive and become all you always knew you could possibly be.