Self Love Is An Inside Job

Seeking “love” and “being loved” by another can be a deceptive drug.

Whether in intimacy, friendships, families or even training/skills groups etc – the desire to connect and belong can be so alluring that it overrides our wisdom to know what is healthy, natural and even destructive for ourselves.

By always coming back to ourself for this ultimate love, we maintain our equilibrium through the practices of making love an inside job.

It ALWAYS starts with us first and travels out through clear agreements, boundaries and honouring oneself and another.

We can develop strong muscles to draw away from those situations which just don’t feed us or which do but at a COST and move instead towards others that reflect these inner practices of self loving.

A crisis point can arise where the core wound starts to get stimulated in this process and there is an interim period of noticing the core wound is not going to kill us and we can choose to breathe through it and bring self love in instead of our delusion of seeking love outside of ourselves.

This tendency sometimes originates from a time when we split off from our true connection to Source / Creator / Divine Love and created a separate identity or a mask to protect our fragile ego structure from a shocking event or trauma.

As we transform relationships and situations by being willing to actualise these potent and poky energies as they rise up, we start to see each situation more clearly for what it is.

We can then equip ourselves with the power of conscious choice.

We may share our vulnerability or speak our truth or set clearer boundaries and see if the other can meet us in our basic requirements and we in theirs.

This starts to become the norm after a while and fades into the background eventually as we clear past patterns and build a new momentum towards healthy relationships where old dysfunctional patterns no longer persist.

Depending on the extent of false selves, ancestral/family distortions and self deceptions that have been layered down, we can progressively burn off all these deposits by literally staying present and embracing our breath, bodies and bones.

As we fully embody and arrive in the life we are living and bring this  purifying presence and conscious choice back into everything that unfolds, the dramas die down, stability forms and a new life emerges ~ usually when we least expect it!

www.embodiedsoulawakening.com

When you find yourself saying “let’s agree to differ” whether inwardly or outwardly, when in fact, you feel a simmering cauldron of emotions, you dishonour yourself.

When you don’t take the time to get clear, and say it how it really is for you, and you instead find yourself slipping into compromise by couching your anger or disappointment with a compliment, removing the passion and vigour of what you truly meant to say, then you are literally cutting off the oxygen that feeds the flames of the creative, sexual, life affirming furnace that burns at the centre of your soul.

When you are not truthful to yourself, you are in reality not being truthful with or honouring the other person.

In fact, you are not only disrespecting yourself, but you are disrespecting the other, because your failure to be real, 100% YOU and honest, speak up, be clear and open and even set clear boundaries denies you both a leap in consciousness!

This is because when you dare to include those edgy places in your relationships, you open a doorway inside of yourself to access the raw power of SOURCE that breathes life, not only into you but also into your relationships.

If you silence yourself or allow another to guilt trip or gaslight you into submission, to undermine your truth and your experience, then you will find yourself transported to Stepford, frozen behind the polite walls of conventional servitude, chained into a life of predictable responses and nicey nicey masks.

So next time you find yourself thinking “excuse me while I throw up because your attitude stinks” to maintain the peace or to be loveable, and you smile like a plastic angel, don’t be at all surprised if the outside world keeps kicking your ass and throwing spanners in your way to entice the REAL you to show up.

For each spanner is in fact, the benign workings of our loving Universe, as it attempts to coax us back into our POWER.

Each spanner is really a life line, an invitation for you to step into the awesome beauty of your raw UNFILTERED feelings, so that you can access your salacious humanity, which family/society has conveniently conditioned out of you as too much, bad, dirty, inappropriate or antisocial.

In these precious moments after feeling into, emoting (and sometimes expressing) annoyance, anger, upset, grief, disappointment etc you may come to experience the absolute liberation that becomes available with authenticity and honouring your inner Source.

We may get to see our projections clearer as we hear out the other, but one thing is for sure; we come to realise, that what we believed to be monstrous, disgusting and loathsome, either in ourselves or in the other, was only ever, the very essence of our/their inner beauty waiting to emerge, meet the light and transform.

David Stone – Embodied Soul Awakening

One of the laws of the ancient alchemists is – as within – so without – as above – so below. Hence Gandi said “be the change you want to see in the world” and so if you’re swallowing your indignation and smiling when you really need to lose it, get cross, express consternation or even set a boundary, then you really gotta stopping being too f%$king nice and start growling.

When I fail to set clear boundaries with others and even myself, a part of me dies a little each time.

As my inner child turns deeper and deeper inwards from such miniscule betrayals, my life force withdraws in equal increments until one day, I find myself apathetic, tired and drained of raison d’être.

As the vacuum of minor betrayals build, including insults from the world mirroring my own self betrayals, I can’t help but notice an arising grief, and a sense of self abandonment – my failure to safeguard my precious inner sanctum, casts a throwback to ancestral traumas of invasions long gone, temples ransacked by rampaging marauders, altars destroyed, homes burnt down, holy men slain, soldiers massacred and women folk raped.

So may be smiling like my life depended on it, goes back to some inevitable ancestral roots, where our DNA recorded the consequences of being overpowered by another’s or indeed our own stampeding and murderous rage.

Furthermore, when we are very small, and we don’t conform to our caregivers’ expectations or their mirroring, we face losing our Source of love…a fate worse than death to the infant’s mind…as we depended on our carers for nurturing, food, clothing, warmth, affection and housing. Each time, we were shamed, scolded or reprimanded or had love withdrawn for being difficult or unpleasant, it left an indelible scar of rejection on our psyches that if we dared to be true, we may have lost access to the love essential to our survival.

So when a part of you is not accepted or mirrored at such a young and tender age, especially if you are expressing indignation or fury when your boundaries are transgressed or you are neglected, then you are likely to have needed to suppress these feelings in order to remain in connection with your caregiver. To have felt such intense emotions, without the self and environmental support to process them would have been too overwhelming for your delicate emerging neural pathways. Instead, your nervous system has a default, to suppress these memories into the collective unconscious for safe keeping, rather than force you to experience annihilation.

So now we can see the roots of why we end up being too f%$king nice… being so helpless, defenseless and vulnerable, leads to inescapable feelings of obligation to another where we automatically begin to hide our less than smiley tendencies. It didn’t matter whether we had our boundaries transgressed, we had to stay connected in order to survive.

So next time you are too f%$king nice, notice just what it does to you…

Is it as if someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over you, extinguishing the flames of ardour that burnt bright.

Each little compromise, a paper cut, until a gaping wound appears with no apparent origin

So next time you are too f%$king nice

Don’t sit there and meditate it away

Don’t eat 2 bars of chocolate and munch it onto your hips

Don’t drink, gamble or wank it away

Don’t just whine to a friend how disempowered you feel and leave it at that

Don’t turn it all inwards on yourself and get depressed

PAUSE A MOMENT

Check in with your body, breathe and make contact with your life force and feel your pulse…

There it is…POUNDING AWAY…like a burglar fleeing the police

Like a bull charging the bullfighter, stampeding, eyes bulging, straining to pierce him fatally with horns lowered, ready for the kill…

Let that passionate beast rip through your awareness

Breathe

Let it flow into your arteries and bring life force back into your body

We’ve been taught to suppress our rage

SO STOP AND OBSERVE YOUR HABITUAL ACTIONS

Learn to be with your pain, and memories long subdued

Watch for the innocence that cries out for you to take action

Speak up

Say your truth

It may come out all clumsy, tearful or even like spitting barbs

So perhaps journal it out first if it’s too hot to handle

Rehearse it in the mirror

Record it on your phone

Scream it into a towel or a pillow

Tantrum like a 2 year old

And release the charge of generations long gone

Whose failure to discharge their own furies, left you an unexploded WW2 bomb

So it’s a time for an armistice

But first we must learn to get in touch with these memories and exorcise those demons safely

Only to find that they are in fact our most cherished orphans returned after a life time running with the wolves…

If you’d like to explore your wolf within, please message me here or email me at soul@soulpreneur.co.uk to arrange a free 30 minute skype consultation.

*Embodied Soul Awakening* Reclaim Your Inner Magic* Trauma, Ancestral Pattern & Time Line Clearing *Success Repatterning